How To Text Your Ex Back - A 5 Phase Approach

When you try to text your ex back after a breakup, one of the first questions you may have is, "How do I go about it? What works?"

text messaging always seems like a simple approach, but when you pull out your cell phone and start pressing a few buttons, you quickly realize you don't know exactly what to say. You don't know if you should be serious, funny, cute, sweet, or romantic. You don't know if you should talk about the past relationship or just ignore it as if nothing ever happened.

Then, you think about it for hours...not getting anywhere and becoming more and more frustrated and confused about the entire situation. But it doesn't have to be that way.

Here is a 5 phase approach you can use to text your ex back.

1.) Open The Lines Of Communication
2.) Bring Up Positive Memories
3.) Focus On Intimacy
4.) Use Jealousy To Your Advantage
5.) Lay It All On The Line

Open The Lines Of Communication

You should have already gone through a period of no contact for about a month prior to sending your first text. In the first texting phase, you aren't yet trying to get your ex back. You're simply trying to open the lines of communication again.

Your first few texts may or may not get a response. That's perfectly ok. You don't want to put any pressure on your ex for a response. You just want to open the door, let them know you're ok with the breakup, and slowly start getting them to think positively about you again.

Example: "Just saw the Giants are headed to the Super Bowl. I immediately thought of you because I know that's your team. Hope you're doing great."

Bring Up Positive Memories

In phase 2, you're still not trying to get your ex back just yet. Instead, you're going to use the word "remember" in your texts to get your ex thinking about fun bonding experiences the two of you have shared. Focus on happy, pleasurable experiences.

Example: "Remember that time we wrestled in those sumo suits at the county fair? I just came across and old picture and started laughing thinking about how I couldn't get up when you knocked me over. That was really funny."

Focus On Intimacy

The third texting phase is all about intimacy. It's about making your ex remember how close they were to you and planting the idea that you could be that close again if you got back together. It works even better if you know your ex is going through a hard time.

Example: "I just heard about what happened to your grandmother. I know how much you loved her. If you need me, I'm here. I hope you're ok."

Use Jealousy To Your Advantage

The fourth phase can be extremely powerful, but can also backfire on you if you're not careful. You need to be subtle here.

In this phase, you're going to let your ex know you're doing ok after the breakup and that other people see you as attractive and valuable. When others see you as valuable, you become more valuable in your ex's eyes as well. The idea is to let your ex know you're not just sitting around on the couch feeling sorry for yourself.

Example: "I just saw this great romantic comedy last night with a friend. You should check it out. I think you'd find it very entertaining."

Lay It All On The Line

In the last texting phase, you're going to lay your heart on the line and tell your ex how you truly feel. Remember, this is the last phase, not the first phase. If you use these texts when you first start texting your ex, then there's a good chance you'll push them further away.

Example: "What I miss most about us is when we used to go for walks and you'd hold my hand and we'd talk about stupid stuff for hours. I could always just be myself. You always made me feel so safe."

The 5 phase approach above is an excellent way to text your ex back in a way that helps you slowly reconnect and build a new, better foundation for a relationship than you ever had before.


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